he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
