Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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