i barfeds in our rink
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
