I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
