I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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