Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
