she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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