Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
