NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you win again, gameday.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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