Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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