I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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