I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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