dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
