tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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