i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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