So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There's always time for handjobs
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
