I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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