I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
