If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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