Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
