considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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