remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
