I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
