3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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