Are we in a gay sports bar?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
