At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I understand Curling. That high.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
