I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
