who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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