Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
