Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize