Bisexual people are plain selfish.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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