I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
