cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
