she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize