i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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