Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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