she woke up with a sticky ear
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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