i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
