My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
