What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize