Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
