hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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