i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
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