There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
