If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
