where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
