Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
