Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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