am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
