The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
