Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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