This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
