if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
