did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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