I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
