When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
