Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
