dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize