Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The beer is more important than you right now.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
