You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
