I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
