while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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