I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
