Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
