Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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