you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
