i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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