i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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