four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
