I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
