His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
