my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
