i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
3pm strippers are depressing
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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