Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
