If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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