Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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